Could this be the real Lady In Red?

In a sad attempt to outdo his fellow has-been rivals, Chris de Burgh has bought the alien that burst out of John Hurt’s chest in the 1979 terror-thriller, erm, Alien, according to about 30 000 news agencies.

Fellow crooner and sad-case HoJo is said to be quietly considering his career options today, after de Burgh bought the hideous prop at auction for a paltry €29 875 (AUD 45 000), a figure said to represent the crooner’s total actual worth.

Further, de Burgh, whose daughter Rosanna Davison somehow won the title of Miss World 2003, had the gall to state: “I know [Nik Kershaw] very well, and of course I will give him [a five finger salute,] being [a] mother [procreator].”

Strangely, no mention of this absurd series of events is made on the appallingly designed but nevertheless official Chris de Burgh website.

Meanwhile pop hand-throb Stung is, understandably, seething. Seething.