It’s a story we’ve all heard before: superstar unveils new album, claims it will be available in a matter of seconds, then spends years retracting said claim, amidst howls of disdain from international commentators, the United Nations, the ACCC and various other hacks. Well, it’s happening all over again. Problems with the uploaded Davey Dreamnation masterpiece Recognition of Prior Learning have meant that the afore-mentioned rock god has been forced to embarrass – nay, humiliate himself on the world stage, for possibly the tenth time. “Yeah, they’re a bunch of amateurs,” confirmed Stung, in reference to the boffins at mp3.com.au, “which means we’re in safe hands. Davey feels really comfortable with their level of commitment to his album, because he’s never experienced anything but amateurism in the past – so what’s new?” This puzzling outburst, which follows a string of similar nonsensical statements from the obviously deranged Sting impersonator, demonstrate the extent to which the down vibe has infected the technicians, llama wranglers and mince pie manufacturers currently holed up inside the Tribesco compound. “I’ve got nothing further to say,” Scaramouche managed to communicate in Auslan, while his mouth was full of Neenish tarts and other assorted pieces of junk food, “but I think everyone recognises this international symbol.” The llama’s raised cloven hoof, however, could mean several things, none of which it would be advisable to speculate upon, ever.
Category: Davey Dreamnation (page 14 of 31)
Davey Dreamnation (not pictured) was conceived during the playing of a Genesis L.P. in April 2001. A legend in his own signature drawstring jarmies, a colossus of lo-fidelity, a harbinger of jitches and drum fills and ‘the Skylab of his generation’, Davey describes himself as an Australasian pirate who lives in the third person, and that’s good enough for us. Davey is apparently fluent in Esperanto and enjoys ice hockey and Joy Division. Read posts from the last five or ten years, then consider for a moment a world without Davey. Sad, isn’t it?
Yes fans, it’s merely milliseconds away – the release of Davey Dreamnation’s long-wondered-about sophomore album, Recognition of Prior Learning. “Yes, it’s not bad, I suppose,” admitted an obviously stunned Stung , “but then again anyone with Paintbox could have done a better job.” Davey has refused to either confirm or deny the authenticity of the artwork, despite releasing it himself. Sources close to the star suggest he may be seeking to test public opinion before deciding on one design. “This is patent market research,” spat Scaramouche at surpised and disappointed reporters, “and now he’s got me doing one of those freaking MBTI thingos too. I’ve had enough! Yes, two slices of ham would be fine. No mustard. Thanks.” A more helpful and enlightening explanation for the album cover’s content was provided by Davey’s old pal Quito who is being kept on life support until euthanasia laws are passed in Australia allowing his brother, Moss, to turn him off: “The image is a collage of three of Davey’s great loves: pedestrian underpasses, crayons and stencil art. The top image is a photo of the pedestrian tunnel beneath De Graves St in Melbourne; the middle image comes from Davey’s early dabbling in graphic art (an obsession that would see him featured at several major country art exhibitions in Gippsland); and the bottom image was taken in Fitzroy, somewhere. Could I please have some more morphine? I am afraid all of this talking has left me feeling quite dizzy. Nurse! Nurse! I can’t feel my legs!” A spokesperson for the hospital later denounced journalists’ attempts to get the bedridden mosquito to talk. “How dare you interrogate a sick and demented insect! Out, all of you! Okay, the llama can stay. But wipe that raspberry jam off his face, for freak’s sake!”
As far as auspicious dates go, April 7 is right up there. It’s the day on which we celebrate Davey Dreamnation’s creation (he is now three years old), and is also the day on which Russell Crowe came brawling and bawling into the world, forty years ago. To mark the occasion, the film star and musician in his own right contacted Davey by satellite phone, to offer his best wishes and a prayer for world peace. “Yeah, the call came in pretty early, like about 4am, so I don’t know what the time zone situation is in Coffs Harbour. Russ was pretty adamant that he had to speak with Davey,” Scaramouche informed the large crowd gathered outside the Tribesco compound. “Then again, pretty much every local celebrity’s been trying to reach Davey today.” Sources who refused to be referred to by name have confirmed that Crowe recited a list of demands, including that Davey accompany Thirty Odd Foot of Grunt on their forthcoming tour of Micronesia, and an even more alarming demand – that Davey come to Camp Crowe and personally tutor Russ in the fine art of singing. “Yes, I heard that too,” admitted a clearly crestfallen Stung, “and I have to say, Davey’s the man to do it. He’s a remarkable teacher. I mean, he even managed to coach that freaking llama to sing, and if that’s possible, then so is anything. I should know.” Dreamnation has so far refused to comment on Crowe’s list of demands, preferring instead to concentrate on the final track-listing for his incendiary return to form, the Recognition of Prior Learning album, which should be “huge”.
Davey Dreamnation was reportedly in shock last night after receiving a phone call from DNRC in Majorca stating that they had found the master tapes from the recording sessions for Recognition of Prior Learning, a record he had been lead to believe had disappeared. “I’m completely jitched,” the rock star admitted, after listening to the tapes and declaring them “authentic”. “It’s like the problems Stung had with his record after those South Americans ran off with the masters,” Davey later stated, off the record, “only this time around my record’s actually good, whereas Stung, well, yeah …” Sources in Tribesco have confirmed that artwork, liner notes and a full track listing have now been fast-tracked, with hopes of a worldwide release later this week. In addition, the infamous Maple Lanes DP EP has also been slated for release, possibly as early as tomorrow. All of which spells trouble for the music industry, with Davey rumoured also to have put in an order to press 1 million copies of the album, and to dump them on the unsuspecting pirate market in Vietnam. “I think this could be the end of Howard Jones, Chris de Burgh, Nik Kershaw and Bros,” Scaramouche stated flatly after hearing the news, “Davey’s got the muzac end of the market sewn up now.”
Several fans who have been waiting for this piece of news may wish to sit down. Davey Dreamnation, whose second album Recognition of Prior Learning still gathers dust on the DNRC shelves, has tired of the drawstrings holding his signature jarmies together and has begun work on a third album, tentatively entitled Don’t Even Bother, Clint. Strange sounds could be heard emanating from the Tribesco compound this morning, as ever-patient news crews, some of whom have been tailing the deluded artist for years, swarmed to catch even the faintest of hints as to Davey’s future musical direction. “Well, it’s kind of funny and kind of sad but as we don’t even know what direction Davey was pursuing on the RPL LP, it’s pretty much impossible to predict what he’ll do next,” explained a cautious Stung, whose own second album, Nothing Like the Stung has just been released, to a tepid response from the music industry. “Don’t even get me started, boyo,” the megalomaniac Sting impersonator spat at reporters, “I’m already seething and you haven’t even said anything yet. Nick off.” Meanwhile Scaramouche (who has shrugged off the name change innuendos) was a little more forthcoming. “Well, he’s channelling the vibe of Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk, obviously. The title track of the record is “Tribesco” – oops, upside my head, I shouldn’t have said that. The album is called Don’t Even Bother, Quito“. It’s got a pretty future metal sound to it, quite extraordinary, really. Not a patch on my as-yet-untitled solo album, though.”