Hi, Davey Dreamnation aka Les Fauves here, with another Future Spa hot-take.

Third album, third song: this is where a rock band has to crush it, or hang up the Rickenbackers for good.

REM did it with “Driver 8” on Fables of the Reconstruction; Sonic Youth had “Starpower” on EVOL; even Cold Chisel put “Choirgirl” third on East.

And as for the Fauves, well, as people who toast each other before drinking a malt whiskey are wont to say, here’s how. If there’s one song in the Fauves canon that’s a mission statement, “Sel-Abuser” is it.

Not that I’d ever argue the band falls only on the wanker side of the divide so famously created by TISM. Because Coxy and co. are yobs and wankers, at the same time. “Self-Abuser” proves it.

What a great, big boofhead of a song this is: chugging bass and guitars, minimal chord changes, absolutely no fuss. Did I mention economical? For God’s sake, it clocks in at a respectable 2:54, and if you think that’s not  impressive, you try rubbing out something this bloody good in the time it takes to brush your teeth.

Everything here is exactly where it ought to be: wry, knowing lyrics on point; twin guitars storming in on the chorus, Dougy’s drums colossal in the aftermath.

Yes, this is 90s grunge by numbers, absolutely custom made for FM radio, which is not bad at all for a bunch of guys who just 18 months previously were too busy taking “Man Lessons” to give a shit about their listeners.

Okay, that’s a bit harsh.

Because the irony is that “Self-Abuser”, edgy as its title may be, is a pure, unadulterated anthem to onanism.

And if you don’t know what that means, then maybe you shouldn’t be here.  

This is the text version of my cameo contribution to Episode 95 of Fauves Are the Best People, which you can listen to on Spotify (see below) or wherever you get your podcasts.