Tag: wimbledon (page 1 of 1)

Pat Cash on Wimbledon and tennis balls

The ITF needs to do something to help the volley because, at the moment, it has died. The attacker has no chance. Pat Rafter or me, at our best, would get smashed out there. The balls they use here are soft and they fluff up after three games. After a few games it’s almost impossible to hit a volley for a winner. They should just take the US Open ball – end of problem and it would be a much fairer tournament. It’s almost impossible for the volleyer to exist in the game of tennis. Something has to change. You can’t have a slow court and slow ball, coupled with the string technology which means the ball is coming off the strings quicker and with more spin. The rallies are going longer, there’s more injuries because of the longer rallies and nobody has done anything about it. You see all the injuries that the guys and also the women are suffering on hardcourt as a result of that. There’s three issues that we’ve seen develop in tennis that’s restricted the volley and therefore the variety of the game. One’s the strings, another is the pace of the court and the other is the ball. The US Open have a fastcourt, similar to here, but with a faster ball. They also have a women’s ball and a men’s ball. The men’s ball is slower than the women’s which is quite often why you see Venus Williams serving almost as fast as the men. But the men’s ball at the US Open is significantly faster than here. To me, the way to fix it is obvious – just take the US Open ball.

Pat Cash

CdeB and Roger Federer in duet rumour

Chris de Burgh has wasted no time on spurious infotainment or celebrity TV circuits following his purchase of the alien from Alien, and is now back in the studio recording new tracks, one of them rumoured to be a duet with Wimbledon champion and all-round bore, Roger “Rogi” Federer.

The track, a remake of de Burgh’s classic lighter-waver, “Borderline”, may well be released in time for Christmas, and has the following lyrics:

“Boredomline”
for Julian Lennon

Standing by the stadium
I am waiting for some rain
To take the players off the court
And into the dressing room

Through my early morning [hangover]
I see Rogi there,
I can hardly even bear to hide my yawn.

Rolling through the turnstiles,
Tears are in my eyes,
He’s going to win the game again
I’m ready with my [heroin].

Smack is now the only thing
to ease my pain.
And I know I have to say
“well played” again.

[chorus]:

And it’s breaking my heart!
I know what I must do!
Massage his tennis elbow
and say well done beating the ‘Pou,

I’ve taken my [smack]!
Rogi cannot lose!
Don’t drop off,
I wanna cough
And cough up phlegm
forever and a day,
ay-ay-ay,

It’s so boredomliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine,
So boredomliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine …

[Rogi performs tennis racquet solo]

[chorus]

[repeat to fade]