Chris de Burgh has wasted no time on spurious infotainment or celebrity TV circuits following his purchase of the alien from Alien, and is now back in the studio recording new tracks, one of them rumoured to be a duet with Wimbledon champion and all-round bore, Roger “Rogi” Federer.

The track, a remake of de Burgh’s classic lighter-waver, “Borderline”, may well be released in time for Christmas, and has the following lyrics:

“Boredomline”
for Julian Lennon

Standing by the stadium
I am waiting for some rain
To take the players off the court
And into the dressing room

Through my early morning [hangover]
I see Rogi there,
I can hardly even bear to hide my yawn.

Rolling through the turnstiles,
Tears are in my eyes,
He’s going to win the game again
I’m ready with my [heroin].

Smack is now the only thing
to ease my pain.
And I know I have to say
“well played” again.

[chorus]:

And it’s breaking my heart!
I know what I must do!
Massage his tennis elbow
and say well done beating the ‘Pou,

I’ve taken my [smack]!
Rogi cannot lose!
Don’t drop off,
I wanna cough
And cough up phlegm
forever and a day,
ay-ay-ay,

It’s so boredomliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine,
So boredomliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine …

[Rogi performs tennis racquet solo]

[chorus]

[repeat to fade]