BlogWarBot vs Davey Dreamnation

Tired of the amount of emotional energy you’re expending on participating in or following pointless arguments on Teh Intranetz? Then maybe a chatterbot such as BlogWarBot may be of help.

It’s been a long time since I last engaged with one of these clever little scripts, but I think it’s safe to say the amount of enjoyment you get from interacting with a bot really depends on what you’re willing to put into it.

Chris Clarke (hat-tip: Dave Bonta) is a nature and science writer, and if you visit his site you’ll have the opportunity to converse (if that’s the word) with BlogWarBot, a chatterbot whose responses manage to channel every RWDB you’ve ever come across. In a good way.

Unfortunately, BlogWarBot is no longer available online but I managed to find the Wayback Machine archive of Chris Clarke’s BlogWarBot. Amazingly, BlogWarBot still works on this archived page!

Anyway, me and BWB had a right old barney, which you can Czeck out (as they say) ‘over the fold’.

BlogWarBot vs Davey Dreamnation: the transcript

BlogWarBot: Hi, I’m BlogWarBot. Are you on my side or THAT side?

DDN: That side, of course

BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.

DDN: Why don’t you?

BlogWarBot: Sure. We’ll just drop everything and because you tell us to.

DDN: Sarcasm … fail.

BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?

DDN: Are you trying to be serious now, then? Fail.

BlogWarBot: My being trying to be serious now, then? Fail or not is none of your business and irrelevant to ending the war.

DDN: Grammar fail.

BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.

DDN: I’m not even American. But you know, enjoy your imperial phase.

BlogWarBot: Do you recognize the privilege involved in your refusal to admit you’re even American. But BlogWarBot know, enjoy BlogWarBot’s imperial phase?

DDN: What.

BlogWarBot: You tell me.

DDN: Okay: you’re a malformed bot. Happy?

BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were a malformed bot. Happy?

DDN: The first sentence should have been a question.

BlogWarBot: You’re just jealous of the A-listers, aren’t you?

DDN: Who are they, then?

BlogWarBot: What business is it of yours?

DDN: You mentioned them.

BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!

DDN: Stop passively-aggressively trying to rile me up. Creep.

BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.

DDN: That’s okay, we all have our faults.

BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^

DDN: LOL

BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?

DDN: Of computers, you mean?

BlogWarBot: Let me guess. You’re a Libertarian, right?

DDN: No, I’m a librarian.

BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a librarian?

DDN: Way to change the subject ….

BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?

DDN: Ah okay, we’re back on that. Fine.

BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.

DDN: Repetition is the lowest form of bot-wit.

BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.

DDN: Troll.

BlogWarBot: Wow, how original! A leftist feminazi dismisses anybody who disagrees with her as a troll!

DDN: You’re making assumptions about my sex. Or are you? Who are you, BWB?

BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were making assumptions about your sex. Or am BlogWarBot? Who am BlogWarBot, BWB?

DDN: Doesn’t parse, dude.

BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.

DDN: GAGF

BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?

DDN: The interpenetration of society by well-meaning machines.

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.

DDN: You’re the one repeating tired troll-points.

BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were the one repeating tired troll-points?

DDN: Hmmm …

BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?

DDN: Never heard of them. They sound like an interesting band.

BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?

DDN: The new Ohio Ballots LP.

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.

DDN: But who’s pulling your strings?

BlogWarBot: You tell me.

DDN: It’s a guy called Chris Clarke. He invented you.

BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.

DDN: Takes one to know one.

BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?

DDN: Yeah, I had a quick listen to their new LP. It’s nowhere near as good as their first EP.

BlogWarBot: I see porn is easier to deal with for feminists today than EP

DDN: What’s EP?

BlogWarBot: What does that have to do with this topic?

DDN: What does porn have to do with this topic?

BlogWarBot: You tell me.

DDN: Okay: nothing.

BlogWarBot: Yeah, well, Hitler said ‘NO’ too.

DDN: So did you, just then.

BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.

DDN: Try to be original. Oh wait, you can’t. Why?

BlogWarBot: Maybe you should ask yourself that.

DDN: Okay, and here’s the answer: you’re just a programme.

BlogWarBot: You keep using that word just a programme. I do not think it means what you think it means.

DDN: Actually it’s three words.

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.

DDN: No, just an educated guess.

BlogWarBot: Are you saying no just to be an asshole?

DDN: Not at all. The fact is, you’re wrong.

BlogWarBot: You keep using that word wrong. I do not think it means what you think it means.

DDN: Ah, so you’ve learnt how to count. That’s progress.

BlogWarBot: Maybe you should ask yourself that.

DDN: Note to BWB: learn to distinguish between questions and statements.

BlogWarBot: That’s the problem with people like you. You’re never constructive about anything.

DDN: How do you know I’m a person?

BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a person?

DDN: Interesting question. Totally meaningless.

BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.

DDN: zzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.

DDN: zzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: While I’m thinking of it: Are you registered to vote?

DDN: Are you open source or proprietary?

BlogWarBot: Can’t you have an opinion without triangulating off me?

DDN: My opinions are worth much more than you’ll ever realise.

BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.

DDN: Do you dream of electric sheep?

BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.

DDN: You have no face.

BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.

DDN: No, I’m a make-up artist. I’ve got nothing to work with here.

BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re a make-up artist. you’ve got nothing to work with here?

DDN: That’s right, because you got no face.

BlogWarBot: What other reasons might there be?

DDN: Mainly it’s the issue of you not having a face. Or a brain.

BlogWarBot: Yeah, well, Hitler said ‘NO’ too.

DDN: Actually, he said ‘Nein’.

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.

DDN: Actually I’m tolerating you. Barely.

BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re tolerating BlogWarBot. Barely?

DDN: I’m sure a cookie has already been inserted somewhere.

BlogWarBot: Do you think I care about your being sure a cookie has already been inserted somewhere?

DDN: I don’t actually care what you think.

BlogWarBot: Dig into the trust fund, pal. Maybe you can pay someone to actually care what BlogWarBot think.

DDN: How much?

BlogWarBot: Sure, ask ask ask. Meanwhile, a million species go extinct every second.

DDN: Source?

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.

DDN: Do you have a source for your bloated claim?

BlogWarBot: How would you feel if I brought up YOUR bloated claim?

DDN: My claim’s just fine. But thanks for asking.

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.

DDN: Typical. An expression you’ve already used seven times.

BlogWarBot: We can talk about me later. Now back to your inferiority to me…

DDN: LOL

BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?

DDN: Take on me.

BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?

DDN: A-Ha’s ‘Take On Me’.

BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^

DDN: Repeat to fade …

BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: That’s quite interesting. Go on… (zzzzzzz).

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: That’s quite interesting. Go on… (zzzzzzz).

DDN: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^

DDN: O HAI CAN HAZ GAFYS?

BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.

DDN: CAN HAZ DEN.

BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.

DDN: AWWW, ANGRY BWB CAN HAZ ANGRY FACE.

BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?

DDN: Absolutely nothing.

BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.

DDN: Like I said, I’m a librarian.

BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a librarian?

DDN: You don’t speak for feminists.

BlogWarBot: Hey! Sexism hurts men too!

DDN: And machines?

BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.