Deep in conversation with BlogWarBot

Tired of the amount of emotional energy you’re expending on participating in or following pointless arguments on Teh Intranetz? Then maybe a chatterbot may be of help. It’s been a long time since I last engaged with one of these clever little scripts, but I think it’s safe to say the amount of enjoyment you get from interacting with a bot really depends on what you’re willing to put into it. Chris Clarke (hat-tip: Dave Bonta) is a nature and science writer, and if you visit his site you’ll have the opportunity to converse (if that’s the word) with BlogWarBot, a chatterbot whose responses manage to channel every RWDB you’ve ever come across. In a good way. Anyway, me and BWB had a right old barney, which you can czeck out (as they say) ‘over the fold’.

BlogWarBot: Hi, I’m BlogWarBot. Are you on my side or THAT side?
Guest: That side, of course
BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.
Guest: Why don’t you?
BlogWarBot: Sure. We’ll just drop everything and because you tell us to.
Guest: Sarcasm … fail.
BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?
Guest: Are you trying to be serious now, then? Fail.
BlogWarBot: My being trying to be serious now, then? Fail or not is none of your business and irrelevant to ending the war.
Guest: Grammar fail.
BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.
Guest: I’m not even American. But you know, enjoy your imperial phase.
BlogWarBot: Do you recognize the privilege involved in your refusal to admit you’re even American. But BlogWarBot know, enjoy BlogWarBot’s imperial phase?
Guest: What.
BlogWarBot: You tell me.
Guest: Okay: you’re a malformed bot. Happy?
BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were a malformed bot. Happy?
Guest: The first sentence should have been a question.
BlogWarBot: You’re just jealous of the A-listers, aren’t you?
Guest: Who are they, then?
BlogWarBot: What business is it of yours?
Guest: You mentioned them.
BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!
Guest: Stop passively-aggressively trying to rile me up. Creep.
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: That’s okay, we all have our faults.
BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^
Guest: LOL
BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?
Guest: Of computers, you mean?
BlogWarBot: Let me guess. You’re a Libertarian, right?
Guest: No, I’m a librarian.
BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a librarian?
Guest: Way to change the subject ….
BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?
Guest: Ah okay, we’re back on that. Fine.
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: Repetition is the lowest form of bot-wit.
BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.
Guest: Troll.
BlogWarBot: Wow, how original! A leftist feminazi dismisses anybody who disagrees with her as a troll!
Guest: You’re making assumptions about my sex. Or are you? Who are you, BWB?
BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were making assumptions about your sex. Or am BlogWarBot? Who am BlogWarBot, BWB?
Guest: Doesn’t parse, dude.
BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.
Guest: GAGF
BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?
Guest: The interpenetration of society by well-meaning machines.
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.
Guest: You’re the one repeating tired troll-points.
BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were the one repeating tired troll-points?
Guest: Hmmm …
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: Never heard of them. They sound like an interesting band.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?
Guest: The new Ohio Ballots LP.
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.
Guest: But who’s pulling your strings?
BlogWarBot: You tell me.
Guest: It’s a guy called Chris Clarke. He invented you.
BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.
Guest: Takes one to know one.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: Yeah, I had a quick listen to their new LP. It’s nowhere near as good as their first EP.
BlogWarBot: I see porn is easier to deal with for feminists today than EP
Guest: What’s EP?
BlogWarBot: What does that have to do with this topic?
Guest: What does porn have to do with this topic?
BlogWarBot: You tell me.
Guest: Okay: nothing.
BlogWarBot: Yeah, well, Hitler said ‘NO’ too.
Guest: So did you, just then.
BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.
Guest: Try to be original. Oh wait, you can’t. Why?
BlogWarBot: Maybe you should ask yourself that.
Guest: Okay, and here’s the answer: you’re just a programme.
BlogWarBot: You keep using that word just a programme. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Guest: Actually it’s three words.
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.
Guest: No, just an educated guess.
BlogWarBot: Are you saying no just to be an asshole?
Guest: Not at all. The fact is, you’re wrong.
BlogWarBot: You keep using that word wrong. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Guest: Ah, so you’ve learnt how to count. That’s progress.
BlogWarBot: Maybe you should ask yourself that.
Guest: Note to BWB: learn to distinguish between questions and statements.
BlogWarBot: That’s the problem with people like you. You’re never constructive about anything.
Guest: How do you know I’m a person?
BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a person?
Guest: Interesting question. Totally meaningless.
BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.
Guest: zzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.
Guest: zzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: While I’m thinking of it: Are you registered to vote?
Guest: Are you open source or proprietary?
BlogWarBot: Can’t you have an opinion without triangulating off me?
Guest: My opinions are worth much more than you’ll ever realise.
BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.
Guest: Do you dream of electric sheep?
BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.
Guest: You have no face.
BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.
Guest: No, I’m a make-up artist. I’ve got nothing to work with here.
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re a make-up artist. you’ve got nothing to work with here?
Guest: That’s right, because you got no face.
BlogWarBot: What other reasons might there be?
Guest: Mainly it’s the issue of you not having a face. Or a brain.
BlogWarBot: Yeah, well, Hitler said ‘NO’ too.
Guest: Actually, he said ‘Nein’.
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.
Guest: Actually I’m tolerating you. Barely.
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re tolerating BlogWarBot. Barely?
Guest: I’m sure a cookie has already been inserted somewhere.
BlogWarBot: Do you think I care about your being sure a cookie has already been inserted somewhere?
Guest: I don’t actually care what you think.
BlogWarBot: Dig into the trust fund, pal. Maybe you can pay someone to actually care what BlogWarBot think.
Guest: How much?
BlogWarBot: Sure, ask ask ask. Meanwhile, a million species go extinct every second.
Guest: Source?
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.
Guest: Do you have a source for your bloated claim?
BlogWarBot: How would you feel if I brought up YOUR bloated claim?
Guest: My claim’s just fine. But thanks for asking.
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.
Guest: Typical. An expression you’ve already used seven times.
BlogWarBot: We can talk about me later. Now back to your inferiority to me…
Guest: LOL
BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?
Guest: Take on me.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?
Guest: A-Ha’s ‘Take On Me’.
BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^
Guest: Repeat to fade …
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of privileged ignorance.
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: That’s quite interesting. Go on… (zzzzzzz).
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: That’s quite interesting. Go on… (zzzzzzz).
Guest: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^
Guest: O HAI CAN HAZ GAFYS?
BlogWarBot: I’m not sure I understand how you managed to log on successfully.
Guest: CAN HAZ DEN.
BlogWarBot: No substance. Lemme guess: you voted for Lieberman.
Guest: AWWW, ANGRY BWB CAN HAZ ANGRY FACE.
BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?
Guest: Absolutely nothing.
BlogWarBot: Lemme guess. You’re a Libertarian.
Guest: Like I said, I’m a librarian.
BlogWarBot: Why should feminists drop everything just because you’re a librarian?
Guest: You don’t speak for feminists.
BlogWarBot: Hey! Sexism hurts men too!
Guest: And machines?
BlogWarBot: Would you move? Someone with something interesting to say may want to use the machine.

3 Comments

Hey Davey,

Welcome back in chatterbot country! Since you’ve been away, lots of things changed. You might want to reconnect with people who are bulding chattersbots as well through the largest forum in this area:

[link deleted]

CU there?

Erwin

Hello, ‘Erwin’.

Is that really you? Or are you in fact a commentbot?

Hmm, well, if you happen to reply to this comment within the next seven days, I’ll leave yours where it is … if not, I’ll delete it.

CU here?

Davey

O hai, you were saying?

%d bloggers like this: