cock & football! it's time to get up & don't those horny roosters know it! cock & football! cock & football! around the brown river bend here comes dawn's breaker rise & shine cock & football! cock & football! cock-a-doodle-do! it's morning once again & don't those poor hens know it! cock & football! your smoking pleasure! international! now available - via satellite in black & white and colour blasted straight into your "loungeroom" with all the subtlety of a striptease on speed cock & football! cock & football! get out of bed reach for that cold spoon & apply before rising cock & football! world cup final! & a nice pair of legs to stare at while shouting cock & football! time to get up you frisky fat farangs cock & football! cock & football! cock & football! cock & football! cock-a-doodle-doo! fucking cockheads
Tag: Travel (page 12 of 12)
I’ve been lucky enough to travel to some pretty interesting destinations over the course of my life so far. Here are some posts from some of the more memorable places I’ve visited.
visit laos & bring your wheelbarrow
pretend this isn’t communism gone nuts
ignore the poorly-organised protesters
turn a blind eye to the fall of the wall
incarcerate yourself in a capitalist prison
you’re lucky to have been arrested here
now there’s nothing left between you &
the socialist state’s caring attitude towards
intellectuals & slogan-dodgers do not float
canldle-boats on the mekhong & don’t ask
why your demonstration was not reported
in the papers nobody noticed in this most
‘enigmatic’ of nation-building nations being
fucked-over by every major corporation on
earth makes this a stupendous destination
let’s hope visit laos year lasts forever
pretend this isn’t communism gone nuts
ignore the poorly-organised protesters
turn a blind eye to the fall of the wall
incarcerate yourself in a capitalist prison
you’re lucky to have been arrested here
now there’s nothing left between you &
the socialist state’s caring attitude towards
intellectuals & slogan-dodgers do not float
canldle-boats on the mekhong & don’t ask
why your demonstration was not reported
in the papers nobody noticed in this most
‘enigmatic’ of nation-building nations being
fucked-over by every major corporation on
earth makes this a stupendous destination
let’s hope visit laos year lasts forever
Nothing to report as usual save a badly bruised
rump boy the Lao sure know how to build a road!
rump boy the Lao sure know how to build a road!
as for the jeep well the driver was adamant that
i ride in the back for fear of bandits who as usual
failed to materialise (as did Captain Haddock –
having discovered the medicinal value of sang sam
whiskey okay I’ll see you in Phonsavan! i tried
shouting above a din of fighting cocks & MTV Asia
blistering fucking barnacles! he retorted hotly,
you truly expect me to risk my life for a couple of
cracked fucking jars? I’d sooner meet you in hell!)
well captain this sore arse is here to tell you that
Phonsavan wasn’t worth the trouble – but as for
the plain of jars itself I soon managed to shake off
my guide & was beginning to enjoy the serenity
of my solitude amongst these thousand year old
jars of mystery when I heard a muffled explosion
to the south (in the direction from which I’d come
being of course wary of landmines i took my time
getting back to the jeep but it was too late the poor
guide, i suppose alarmed at my giving him the slip
& in this plain of bombs had searched only to find
his left foot on top of a rusted metal disc & one
second later his entire body blown to the four
winds (what more could i do but commandeer
the old jeep & settle into the padded driver’s seat
for the long ride back to bangkok to await both
my drunken captain & his pointless expletives?
standing at attention
a column of white gums
awaits its commander’s
final orders – over the top!
down the embankment!
secure all garden plots
& fish traps! then down
the mekhong we go –
all in a row sir yes sir
drowning at attention sir
ye loyal diggers /saplings
planted when? & for
what strange reason?
in dust-blown vientiane
in the service of her majesty
ye brave snow-white gums
form a levee – but for how
long can you hold back this
determined tide of change?
a column of white gums
awaits its commander’s
final orders – over the top!
down the embankment!
secure all garden plots
& fish traps! then down
the mekhong we go –
all in a row sir yes sir
drowning at attention sir
ye loyal diggers /saplings
planted when? & for
what strange reason?
in dust-blown vientiane
in the service of her majesty
ye brave snow-white gums
form a levee – but for how
long can you hold back this
determined tide of change?
baht (t): thai unit of currency (in 1999 1 baht= AUD 0.25)
chao le (t): sea gypsies
chao phraya (t): the river that flows through bangkok
cock & football (l): a lao brand of rolling papers
farang (t): any western (read: white) person or tourist
karen (t): one of the indigenous hill tribes of northern thailand & burma
khob khun khrap (t): “thankyou very much”
kip (l): lao unit of currency (in 1999 AUD 1= 4000 kip)
soi (t & l): lane
stupa (t & l): pointed dome on buddhist temples
takraw (t): thailand’s national game, a cross between beach volleyball & soccer
thanon (t & l): street
thao rai (t): “how much?”
tuk-tuk (t & l): small three-wheeled taxi
wat (t): a buddhist temple