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Category: Clint Bo Dean
Clint Bo Dean, the world’s most private poet, possesses Australasia’s worst wig and proudly maintains that his influences include Enya, Stevie Nicks, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Chris de Burgh, Elton John, Arcadia, Cat Stevens, Noiseworks, Boom Crash Opera, Big Pig, Wa Wa Nee and Stryper. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Clint was born under the influence of narcotics in the Bahamas in 2004. Despite his penchant for interpretative dance, Clint has so far failed in his stated career aim of joining the Bolshoi Ballet. He spends most of his time penning ridiculously grandiose orchestral arrangements for two flugel horns and one triangle. Clint’s debut DNRC single, Private Poet, was judged a form of torture by the International Criminal Court and subsequently banned from use in Australasian jails. His breakthrough album, Never Go Ashtray, violated several international whaling protocols.
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Notes Towards An Airpoet Novel (3)
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5 min read
Clint Bo Dean drifted out of sleep, like a grand human idea approaching its fulfillment in an age of machines. A Minitel unit was twiddling in the husked gloom of his Hotel Formule 1 cubicle – a shining, chortling sound not unlike that of his own brain in neutral. He stumbled out of his bunk…
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Notes Towards An Airpoet Novel (2)
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4 min read
AFTER HOSING DOWN their uniforms and supervising the hideous clean-up task, de Burgh and Bo Dean caught a cab back to the city for their de-briefing. It would have been easier to take one of their own cars back but as both were now in a long-term parking lot, it was easier to catch a…
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Notes Towards An Airpoet Novel (1)
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5 min read
CLINT BO DEAN ran his finger along the zipper of the middle-aged woman’s travel bag. îLooks like you’ve got a lot of reading ahead of you, ma’am! Anything you can recommend in here?î The woman’s harried look gave Bo Dean pause; however he kept on with his goofish routine, in the hope that she’d save…
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Some of my many secrets …
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1 min read
I am bad. I can sing. My number is 83. Starlight Express. Mono recordings of my sleep patterns. Josie. The ‘Sippi Hole. Spurt. Tab Cola. Mumps. Knee-high white sports socks. National Geographic World (kids’ version). Maps of Mexico. Yucatan. A shiny red bicycle with a rear reflector the size of a saucepan. Nissan cars with…
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Hey Kids …
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2 min read
Come ere, your uncle Clint wants to say something to ya. This is a heads up, okay, and I’m not gunna repeat anything so this is thinking time, right? Right. Shoulders back. Heads up, backs straight. Knees pressed together, shoelaces tied separately. Eyes open, mouth shut. Pencils down, balloons up. Please use graph paper for…
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Hey Gents …
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1 min read
Does it matter if I ask the ladies so many questions? Do you ever wear lycra? Your make-up looks smudged, or is that a trail of mustard on your top lip? Do you like cream buns? What’s the current temperature beneath your armpit? Why does lettuce go soggy anyway? Have you been to Uranus? Why…
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Hey Ladies …
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2 min read
I know you’re curious about me. What makes me tick? How do I have my tea? Are my underpants red? Am I wearing underpants? How do I get my hair to stay that way? Do I like pets? Is my fridge running? How do I manage to write such emotionally retarded music? How much did…
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Why I love “Cats”
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2 min read
Well, it’s another day in the life of Clint Bo Dean and I’m loving it. Pulled out my vinyl copy of “Cats: the Musical” today and boy, did it look good. The record was in pristine condition, basically never played. I just put it on top of the record player and watched it for a…
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All we hear is Radio TINA
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1 min read
Simply The Best, ‘s’all I wanna say. The woman is a genius, having recently sang for Oprah’s 50th birthday, which would have been like de ja vu for Tina, having turned 50 herself only twenty years ago. Last week I channelled Tina’s spirit at a karaoke bar in Sydney by singing my all time favourite…