hello!—i am so happy to be a farang
in your country relieved to discover
this word that describes me & pleased
to be here spending all my money on
trinkets & going to the toilet—hooray!
now even my shit is farang! a foreign
body yearning to be assimilated! get
out of thailand i say to my ungrateful
excrement leave more room for kfc &
coke i look forward also to depositing
another 500 baht at the airport (also
farang) & can't wait to develop all of
my excellent photos
—bye for now!
Category: We Will Disappear (page 3 of 3)
My debut collection of poetry was published in 2007 by papertiger media. Read more about the book in my portfolio.
COME & SEE THE HILL TRIBES PLOUGHING
UP THEIR OPIUM FIELDS IN PREPARATION
FOR NEXT YEAR’S CROP OF NESCAFE! THIS
TREK HAS BEEN APPROVED BY BOTH THE THAI
& US GOVERNMENTS ALONG WITH JOINT
MILITARY EXERCISES IT WILL CONSTITUTE
THE MAIN THRUST OF THEIR WAR AGAINST
DRUGS NO RAFTING ELEPHANT HIKING OR
SOUVENIR-SHOPPING EXPERIENCE REQUIRED
JUST A WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT THIS ONCE
IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY TO JOIN A NON-
TOURISTIC TREK I REPEAT THERE WILL BE ONE
TREK ONLY – AFTERWARDS THE ENTIRE REGION
WILL BE DECLARED “FREQUENTED BY TOURISTS”
& CLOSED TO ALL NON-TOURISTIC ACTIVITIES
THUS CAUSING A MASSIVE RISE IN BOTH PRICES
& TOURIST NUMBERS HURRY THIS IS YOUR LAST
CHANCE TO SEE UNTOUCHED & AUTHENTIC HILL
TRIBES IN THEIR NATURAL ENVIRONMENT!
REPEAT: ONE TREK ONLY! ENQUIRE WITHIN!
CREDIT CARDS WELCOME!
UP THEIR OPIUM FIELDS IN PREPARATION
FOR NEXT YEAR’S CROP OF NESCAFE! THIS
TREK HAS BEEN APPROVED BY BOTH THE THAI
& US GOVERNMENTS ALONG WITH JOINT
MILITARY EXERCISES IT WILL CONSTITUTE
THE MAIN THRUST OF THEIR WAR AGAINST
DRUGS NO RAFTING ELEPHANT HIKING OR
SOUVENIR-SHOPPING EXPERIENCE REQUIRED
JUST A WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT THIS ONCE
IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY TO JOIN A NON-
TOURISTIC TREK I REPEAT THERE WILL BE ONE
TREK ONLY – AFTERWARDS THE ENTIRE REGION
WILL BE DECLARED “FREQUENTED BY TOURISTS”
& CLOSED TO ALL NON-TOURISTIC ACTIVITIES
THUS CAUSING A MASSIVE RISE IN BOTH PRICES
& TOURIST NUMBERS HURRY THIS IS YOUR LAST
CHANCE TO SEE UNTOUCHED & AUTHENTIC HILL
TRIBES IN THEIR NATURAL ENVIRONMENT!
REPEAT: ONE TREK ONLY! ENQUIRE WITHIN!
CREDIT CARDS WELCOME!
housed in two human zoos constructed
for their survival’s sake on the east &
west coasts of koh lantah it’s good to know
that the chao le are still allowed to play
football on the beach at low-tide its wave
sounds mimic the crowd-roars of wembley
coming down the supermarine cable all
the young men & boys clip their finger &
toenails in preparation for the referee’s
inspection tomorrow they will collect these
clippings & together with various haircut-
offcuts launch their offerings upon the
andaman sea in a special wooden boat after
which they gaze longingly half-hoping the
tide will bring it back knowing also that
some small part of themselves has escaped
both the zoos & the fickle sea-spirits’ protection
for their survival’s sake on the east &
west coasts of koh lantah it’s good to know
that the chao le are still allowed to play
football on the beach at low-tide its wave
sounds mimic the crowd-roars of wembley
coming down the supermarine cable all
the young men & boys clip their finger &
toenails in preparation for the referee’s
inspection tomorrow they will collect these
clippings & together with various haircut-
offcuts launch their offerings upon the
andaman sea in a special wooden boat after
which they gaze longingly half-hoping the
tide will bring it back knowing also that
some small part of themselves has escaped
both the zoos & the fickle sea-spirits’ protection
Nothing to report as usual save a badly bruised
rump boy the Lao sure know how to build a road!
rump boy the Lao sure know how to build a road!
as for the jeep well the driver was adamant that
i ride in the back for fear of bandits who as usual
failed to materialise (as did Captain Haddock –
having discovered the medicinal value of sang sam
whiskey okay I’ll see you in Phonsavan! i tried
shouting above a din of fighting cocks & MTV Asia
blistering fucking barnacles! he retorted hotly,
you truly expect me to risk my life for a couple of
cracked fucking jars? I’d sooner meet you in hell!)
well captain this sore arse is here to tell you that
Phonsavan wasn’t worth the trouble – but as for
the plain of jars itself I soon managed to shake off
my guide & was beginning to enjoy the serenity
of my solitude amongst these thousand year old
jars of mystery when I heard a muffled explosion
to the south (in the direction from which I’d come
being of course wary of landmines i took my time
getting back to the jeep but it was too late the poor
guide, i suppose alarmed at my giving him the slip
& in this plain of bombs had searched only to find
his left foot on top of a rusted metal disc & one
second later his entire body blown to the four
winds (what more could i do but commandeer
the old jeep & settle into the padded driver’s seat
for the long ride back to bangkok to await both
my drunken captain & his pointless expletives?