Seething since 2000*
Camp Davey was in pandemonium mode today after the first night of what sources close to the megalomaniacal star describe as “a four night bash to outdo Russell Crowe’s wedding.”
Having brought in armed police to calm the massive crowds outside the Camp Davey gates, camp administrator Pixel Mouse ordered the use of lemonade cannons.
“It’s freaking hot in here, so take off all your bootlegging devices,” Ms. Mouse sang to the assembled fans.
“You heard me – this is not Live At Budokan, so don’t even think about pressing record on that huge dictaphone you’ve got bulging out of your back pocket there, mister. Okay, hands up.”
Having confirmed that pop hand-throb Stung will be in attendance, Davey Dreamnation went on to list all the stars who pulled out of Russell Crowe’s wedding just to be at Camp Davey for last night’s opening ceremony, involving a parade of singing llamas in traditional costume(s).
“Sir Nik Kershaw, Sir Howard Jones, Sir Simon le Bon, Sir the other guy from Arcadia, Sir Gangajang, Sir the Electric Pandas and Sir Kate Ceberano are all thrilled to bits just being here. I think by Day 4, however, they will be wishing they were in the Coffs Harbour Novotel.
“I know I wish I was, right now. Harrumph!”