Victor Garber blooper reel

for alicia sometimes (as usual)

victor, tho i never really associated you with the blooper  
aesthetic, i happened to be cruising youtube recently &

i saw that someone had put together this compilation of 
bloopers from the television series alias (or, to be more 

specific, alias bloopers featuring you. there is a blooper  
protocol, as you know, & it involves hashing your lines

(preferably more than once (plus, ideally, a lot of laughs
from the actors as well as the crew. in your case, victor,

the bloopers were what we refer to in the industry as ‘on
point’, meaning they fulfilled the criteria outlined above. 

you see, i’ve watched many blooper reels, mostly on video
tape (or late-night television specials devoted to specific 

programmes or actors. after a while, they tend to become 
repetitive, don’t they? no doubt, given your experience as a 

stage actor, you have your own views about blooper reels. 
i note a strong perfectionist streak in your onscreen manner

& can’t imagine you’d ever be thrilled to have fluffed a line
but when I see you & sydney (alias jennifer garner aka babe

blowing minutes of valuable recording time, the thought of it
fills me with a simple, homespun joy. as one commenter noted:

‘oohh seeing him makes me forget everything!! great actor & 
a great singer as well. hes soo hott!! i love you victor!! hehe.’

need i go on? perhaps. perhaps i should draw attention (as if
it were needed, to your magnificent pursed lips, from which

no lie or swear word has ever had a chance to issue. ‘soo hot’,
indeed! (‘i love him too! wish i had a boyfriend like him XD 

sorry, i had to write this! :D’ (‘who cares if he’s gay?’ & i can’t 
believe i wrote that (‘literally devastated’ (i.e. sydney’s gay dad. 

but back to your pursed lips, victor. how the heck could you 
let the bloopers sneak out like that? whenever I rewatch that 

blooper reel (which i’ve added to my ‘favourites’ & ‘watch 
later’ lists) i begin to doubt your professionalism as an actor. 

that sounds harsh, no doubt, but your job (victor, is to keep 
those lips of yours shut tight as a purse, so that no phrase or 

object passes in or out (apart from food & drink, of course,
although that must needs happen off camera, in your trailer 

or else the on-set canteen (did you ever go there, victor, join
the gaffers, grips and gophers at the bain marie, crack gags as

the catering staff wiped down tables? (somehow even the idea 
of it sounds far-fetched. you’d be too busy being mesmerised 

by jennifer’s bubbly antics, or else chatting with the director 
in the hopes of slipping in one more tight-lipped rendition of 

your daughter’s name during a tense ops-room scene (but then
they’re all tense when you’re on-camera, victor, which makes 

your blooper reel even more alarming (as if to suggest there is 
in fact no real father on which jack bristow’s character is based 

as if sydney was born an orphan (that this greying canadian with 
a background in musicals was not really her uptight but lovable 

dad (that her cute glee at his occasional forgotten line could be 
taken from, used against her (in some other show where there 

are no blooper reels, only trailers for upcoming seasons. up next:
victor refuses to deny an alias reunion. comments disabled.  
David Prater
David Prater

David Prater is an Australian-born writer, editor and parent. His interests include mince pies, ice hockey and Joy Division.

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