Seething since 2000*
Everything you read here is a lie propagated by diehard fans of the Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble; they were a great band, we are told in an epic poem which you cannot read because you do not understand music— I mean, Juche. The Chosun Ilbo says so, and thus it is foretold; but everything you read here is a lie. No one you know has ever heard of the Wangjaesan Light Music Band but that's all right, we're here to help. Kim Jong Il loved Yun Hye–yong but she was dead keen on the guy who tinkled the ivories for Pochonbo; which was probably a big mistake but again I'm just guessing here— I couldn't say that I liked their music for sure until I heard it on Youtube accompanied by a video featuring pixellated characters from the Sims; well done, you—whoever you are! but again, this is beside the point, which is that Yun Hye–yong fell for the completely wrong guy, obviously; and it's tragic and it's true to say that there's no worse way to die than to throw yourself from the top of a North Korean banquet hall, hand in hand with your piano–playing lover (who dies), only to be 'saved' by someone acting on the big guy's orders—yes, and then to be executed for spurning the big guy's advances; oh and then to be mythologised in some other guy's epic poem about the tragic lovers of Kim Jong Il; it's not funny—rather, it's plain to me that somebody had it in for Yun Hye–yong from the start— and I'm not talking about the big guy, who surely has many options; no, I'm talking about the Chosun's nationalistic editors, who chose to run with this tosh (for the sake of truth? musical taste? or something resembling sensationalism), quoting the usual North Korean mouthpiece spouting tosh across the sea in Japan, the kind of junk you'd expect from the makers of Team America, the kind of stuff we can all laugh at forever; I'm pretty sure that Yun Hye-yong would have preferred to live a little longer, maybe even to settle down, start a solo career, sever all ties with her former band (except the piano guy, of course, who'd play a minor role in her life story, and would be satisfied with that; unlike Mr K, who we can continue to laugh at, and talk of orgies at the high command, his agents sent to Europe to buy her stuff, her music the soundtrack to Arirang; but do we know how the story ends, in a dismal display of mysogynistic violence, with Yun Hye-yong still in a coma, the radio playing 'Socialism is Good', and the keyboards swelling over a Boney M beat? and while it's safe to say I still have no clue as to the veracity of any of these details, I can almost guarantee nobody will remember Yun Hye-yong next year— shot because she loved the wrong guy; how pathetic is the world, how typical and true! Yun Hye-yong! Come back! Tell me everything I read here is a lie!