It’s official: the Camp Davey evacuation is now in progress. O-or, was it?
In early April D/DN Tourism Commission (DTC) announced its decision to evacuate Camp Davey, following an escalation of the situation in the island resort’s Quarantine Area.
However, events since then suggest that the evacuation order may have been a ploy designed to coax certain Camp Davey residents out of the compound.
Follow the live developments as if they didn’t happen. This live blog is no longer being updated.
If you have information regarding the current situation which you are willing to share, feel free to contact us via email or Twitter, or use the hashtag #campdavey on your socials.
Key events
- DTC officials confirm evacuation was ‘a hoax’
- DTC officials ‘walk back’ evacuation claims
- Evacuation a death blow to Scaramouche’s career
- Scaramouche ‘evacuated’ from Camp Davey
- Davey Dreamnation addresses the media
- Camp Davey: a disaster waiting to happen?
- Welcome
2020-04-10 12:20:04
Welcome
Welcome to this exclusive D/DN live blog, in which we will be covering the explosive events currently unfolding at Camp Davey, the world’s most untold resort.
While the exact sequence of events remains unclear, D/DN Tourism Commission (DTC) officials have now declared Camp Davey unsafe, and ordered a complete evacuation.
What this means for residents and visitors to the island resort remains to be seen.
There are unconfirmed rumours circulating online regarding a fracas in the resort’s Quarantine Area, which has been the subject of a tense lockdown standoff for over a week.
You can follow the live developments on this page, which is being constantly updated.
If you have information regarding the current situation which you are willing to share, feel free to contact us via email or Twitter, or use the hashtag #campdavey on your socials.
2020-04-10 12:25:13
Introducing our live bloggers
In order to keep track of what is a fast-moving situation, this live blog will employ the services of several commentators, including myself, Les Tombeaux, Davey Dreamnation himself, and D/DN spokeswoman Paige Turner.
At this stage, we have no information on the whereabouts of Scaramouche, Stung or any of the other quasi-celebrities rumoured to be trapped inside the Camp Davey Quarantine Area.
2020-04-10 12:29:37′, ‘2020-04-10 10:29:37’, ‘
Thank you, David, for the introduction, and welcome to our readers on this potentially tragic day.
As we have already reported, D/DN Tourism Commission (DTC) officials have now declared Camp Davey unsafe, and ordered a complete evacuation.
Unfortunately, however, the text of the DTC press release has not yet been made available to journalists.
As a result, here in Majorca at least, major news outlets seem to be reluctant to even begin covering this sensational development.
We hope to bring you the full text of the announcement as soon as it is made available, probably via the DTC MySpace page. ‘
2020-04-10 14:27:58
Camp Davey: a disaster waiting to happen?
For those who have just joined us, or who are unfamiliar with Camp Davey’s long history, a quick recap is probably necessary.
According to the official Camp Davey website:
Camp Davey is the spiritual and mental homeland of Davey Dreamnation. It was originally located on the banks of the Goulburn River, in central Victoria, right next to Rustle Crough’s mansion. In 2002 Camp Davey was moved, brick by brick, to Tribesco in inner-city Melbourne. In 2008, however, it was evacuated offshore, to a secret island location.
At this point, Camp Davey went ‘dark’, as we say in the industry. In fact, it was not until March 2020, when a DTC report on future options for the troubled entertainment complex was leaked to the media, that its status was changed, to ‘clear’.
An accelerated series of events then followed. On 21 March this year, Camp Davey reopened. Then, three days later, it went into lockdown.
As more details emerged regarding the deterioration of the situation inside the compound, it was revealed that the Camp Davey Quarantine Area housed at least five quasi-celebrities as well as a number of quarantine staff who had themselves been quarantined.
This revelation, which came just six days ago, now appears to have been an under-estimate.
We are now hearing reports that DNRC Records‘ entire roster of recording artists has been trapped inside Camp Davey for the past two weeks.
In this context, it was no surprise to hear Paige Turner, the current D/DN spokeswoman, describe the current situation a short time ago as “a disaster waiting to happen.”
According to DTC oficials, a full transcript of that interview will be available in due course.
2020-04-10 14:42:52
Camp Davey evacuation confirmed
Confirmation, in case any was needed, that the Camp Davey evacuation is now in progress, from Davey Dreamnation himself:
It’s official: the Camp Davey evacuation is now in progress campdavey live https://t.co/RyyY8rxYzY— Davey Dreamnation (@daveydream) April 10, 2020
We have now been told that Dreamnation will shortly make a more detailed statement via this live blog.
2020-04-10 15:25:40
Davey Dreamnation addresses the media
In addition to this morning’s tweet confirming that the evacuation of Camp Davey is in progress, Davey Dreamnation has broken his long silence to issue an extraordinary attack on the DTC—the commission founded, staffed and run by himself.
Dreamnation, who now lives in the third person, describes the DTC’s decision to evacuate Camp Davey as “premature, but still too late.”
The full statement reads as follows:
This bizarre decision should have been taken four weeks ago, before Camp Davey was even reopened.
Back then I warned the DTC that revamping the resort after such a long period of inactivity carried massive risks. And it seems that my warning was not only right—it was also completely ignored.
The report I wrote for the DTC, which was unfortunately leaked to the media, outlined a series of mechanical faults in some of the rides in the Camp Davey Entertainment Precinct. The Goulburn River Rampage™ in particular raised a number of red flags.
The decision to open the resort while these faults remained unaddressed was foolhardy in the extreme. But the decision to evacuate is even worse, because it’s premature, but still too late.
Now we’ll never find out whether the Goulburn River Rampage™ is still the most untold ride in the world. And for that the DTC should hang its head in shame.
‘2020-04-11 09:53:29
Ibiza-based newspaper issues stinging critique of DTC
The DTC press release relating to the Camp Davey evacuation that was rumoured to have been issued yesterday via the Davey Dreamnation MySpace page has, so far, not appeared.
“This calls into question the authority of the DTC over the Camp Davey complex,” thundered this morning’s editorial in the Majorca-based Ibiza Dawn Daily, which also asked some awkward questions about the existence of the island resort once described as ‘untold’:
Where exactly is this ‘Camp Davey’, anyway? And why should we care? Despite the activist leanings of a number of Majorca-based journalists, we must come to the hardly surprising conclusion that this entire ‘situation’ is a figment of their peculiar imagination.
As for the so-called Entertainment Precinct, this outlet has it on good authority that the Goulburn River Rampage™ is in actual fact a barely disguised facsimile of the Sant Antoni de Portmany Barftastic Bucket Challenge™.
This is the ride which put Majorca on the fairground map, figuratively speaking. And unlike Camp Davey, of course, Majorca continues to be quite easy to find on that map, even if it is sometimes spelled Mallorca.
We call on the United Nations to enforce the terms of UN Security Council Resolution DDN1, in order to find a way out of this impasse, which is dragging honest, high-quality tourist destinations into a maelstrom of ‘fake news’ and offensive innuendo.
Strong words, indeed, from a newspaper which was only established in late 2019, and which refuses to publish articles by freelance journalists such as myself who seek to expose the Majorca fairground ride scene as a fiction.
Camp Davey: a disaster waiting to happen?
An artist’s impression of what Camp Davey could end up looking like if the lockdown proves permanent. Photo by Dustan Woodhouse on Unsplash.
For those who have just joined us, or who are unfamiliar with Camp Davey’s long history, a quick recap is probably necessary.
According to the official Camp Davey website:
Camp Davey is the spiritual and mental homeland of Davey Dreamnation. It was originally located on the banks of the Goulburn River, in central Victoria, right next to Rustle Crough’s mansion. In 2002 Camp Davey was moved, brick by brick, to Tribesco in inner-city Melbourne. In 2008, however, it was evacuated offshore, to a secret island location.
At this point, Camp Davey went ‘dark’, as we say in the industry. In fact, it was not until March 2020, when a DTC report on future options for the troubled entertainment complex was leaked to the media, that its status was changed, to ‘clear’.
An accelerated series of events then followed. On 21 March this year, Camp Davey reopened. Then, three days later, it went into lockdown.
As more details emerged regarding the deterioration of the situation inside the compound, it was revealed that the Camp Davey Quarantine Area housed at least five quasi-celebrities as well as a number of quarantine staff who had themselves been quarantined.
This revelation, which came just six days ago, now appears to have been an under-estimate.
We are now hearing reports that DNRC Records‘ entire roster of recording artists has been trapped inside Camp Davey for the past two weeks.
In this context, it was no surprise to hear Paige Turner, the current D/DN spokeswoman, describe the current situation a short time ago as “a disaster waiting to happen.”
According to DTC oficials, a full transcript of that interview will be available in due course. ‘, 0, ‘liveblog’, ”, ‘liveblog’, 0, 10);
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Scaramouche ‘evacuated’ from Camp Davey
Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash.
In the first sign that the DTC’s threat to evacuate Camp Davey may actually have been genuine, we are receiving reports that Scaramouche—the carnivorous llama who has recently reinvented himself as the host of the Camp Davey Pool Bar—has been removed from his position and placed in ‘protective custody’.
At this stage it remains unclear exactly who is being protected from whom.
One theory is that Scaramouche is being held back from the crowds of journalists who have gathered outside the Camp Davey perimeter.
The other is that the journalists themselves are being shielded, out of range of the llama’s legendary spitting.
In any case, Scaramouche’s removal from the resort will be seen by his fans as a blow to his chances of taking over Camp Davey—if and when Davey Dreamnation drops off this mortal coil, that is.
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Evacuation a death blow to Scaramouche’s career
As the news of Scaramouche’s removal from Camp Davey sinks in, it’s probably time to take a quick look back at his chequered career, which now appears to be over.
Scaramouche first came to prominence as a stunt double in various films, including Around the World In Eighty Llamas; Stop, Look And Listen: a Moving Tale of Three Homeless Llamas; and, of course, Clint Bo Dean In Wigs and Pictures.
After landing a major role in Scaramouche: My Story, he never looked even slightly ruffled. When the biopic tanked, however, Scaramouche turned to music. The listening public certainly sat up when he released his first DNRC Records release, ‘Scaramouche’s Theme’.
Unfortunately, the musical world’s apparent interest in the llama’s clumsy keyboard work was merely a prelude to its unanimous dismissal of his diabolical second single, ‘Quiche Lorraine’.
Indeed, if it were not for the UN treaty requiring Davey Dreamnation to delete each DNRC Records release immediately after its issue, we might be stuck with this appalling piece of ‘music’ as the llama’s ‘swansong’.
As it is, Scaramouche will instead be remembered as the llama responsible for the poisoning of the tasting menu at Scaramouche’s Bar and Grill.
And perhaps that’s not such a bad thing after all. ‘, 0, ‘liveblog’, ”, ‘liveblog’, 0, 6);
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DTC officials ‘walk back’ evacuation claims
In a stunning turnaround, the D/DN Tourism Commission (DTC) has intimated that the evacuation of Camp Davey—which has been ongoing since late last week—may not now be necessary.
Sources close to DTC officials working around the clock to coordinate what would be the largest peacetime evacuation in Camp Davey history have suggested that the abrupt about-face could be due to the fact that Scaramouche—the purported ringleader of a rebellion inside the compound—has been ‘pacified’.
While no official DTC statement confirming the decision has been made public, this does not necessarily mean that the cancellation of the evacuation process has not been sanctioned.
“Look, to put it in a more straightforward way, once we got that llama out, things began to calm down. I mean, a lot,” said one source, who denied their own name.
A week-long investigation by journalists freelancing for the Ibiza Dawn Daily has revealed that a long-term feud, or rivalry, between Scaramouche and another of DNRC Records’ recording artists apparently triggered a mini-revolt inside the resort, leading to the events that unfolded in quarantine.
Flight tracking data has also revealed zero activity in the skies above the compound, suggesting either that the evacuation has been abandoned, or that Camp Davey officials have mastered a cloaking device that would render the resort’s fleet of chinook helicopters invisible.
“Whichever way you look at it, this can only spell good news for residents of and visitors to Camp Davey,” the unnameable source continued.
“For one thing, it means that the finger-food menu at the Scaramouche Bar and Grill can finally be scrapped.”
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Analysis: Non-evacuation good news for Scaramouche’s Kiwi friend and rival
The surprise back-tracking by the DTC on the evacuation of Camp Davey may be bad news for the resort’s resident culinary amateur llama, but it may also spell good news for Scaramouche’s long-term friend and rival.
Stung, a one-time Sting impersonator originally from Dunedin, was rumoured to be one of the five quasi-celebrities trapped in a dangerous game of chicken inside the Quarantine Area.
While DTC sources have refused to confirm the passenger manifest for the first chinook-load of visitors to arrive at Camp Davey, Stung had posted a number of updates to his socials just prior to Camp Davey reopening.
These updates—seen by this journalist—hinted that the talented car-commercial theme-music composer was preparing to record the follow-up to his 2009 triple album, the slightly overrated Desert Boot Nose.
That Stung should choose Camp Davey as the location for the recording sessions for the new album— titled Nothing Like the Stung—seems a little odd.
After all, there is no mention of a recording studio anywhere in the promotional material for the resort.
Nevertheless, even the possibility that Stung is back in the recording studio will surely send his many fans into an overdrive of expectation.
As a long-term fan myself, I’m hoping Stung uses the studio time to finally record a decent version of ‘Prussians’, a song that never even made it onto the album for which it was originally written.
I speak, naturally, of Dream of the Blue Pipe Cleaners.
We live in hope. ‘, 0, ‘liveblog’, ”, ‘liveblog’, 0, 6);
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DTC officials confirm Camp Davey evacuation was ‘a hoax’
DTC officials today confirmed what the rest of the world knew ages ago. Namely, that the Camp Davey evacuation was ‘a hoax’ designed to lure Scaramouche from the safety of his eponymous bar and grill, located in the Camp Davey Pool Bar.
The official confirmation, which came via CB radio from an unnamed location off Majorca, should finally put to rest both this live blog and, perhaps more importantly, Scaramouche’s career as a finger-food chef.
“Look,” said Paige Turner, after being relayed the news, “are you sure you haven’t called the wrong number? There’s no person by that name here. Thank you, and goodbye.”
Elsewhere, tock markets reacted cautiously to the news. The FTSE 100 was closed, in a show of respect for Scaramouche’s family and fiends. Meanwhile the Dow opened on a positive note, climbing by 1.5 points throughout the day, as it began to emerge that the confirmation of the hoax was not itself a hoax. ‘,
2020-04-17 15:37:50
Thanks for joining us
And on that note, we’ll be closing this live blog. For now. But if anything newsworthy occurs, you can be sure that we will cover it here.
In the meantime, guard these moments well.
It’s been real.
