The iClint™

During a recent gruelling brainstorming session for the track listing on my debut album, I hit upon an incredible invention: the iClint™, a personal music system for the discerning music fan.

Composed of a cassette player that doubles as a mask to wear either to masquerade balls or to the opening night of any of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musicals, the iClint™ comes fully equipped with an authentic CBD wig, a microphone for extra interaction, a necklace, a pair of headphones courtesy of British Airways, a power source that doubles as a drink dispenser, two complimentary wristbands and an optional fake Pat Cash checkerboard headband as well.

I am currently negotiating the worldwide rights for this machine, which will only play my albums. I expect however that units should begin to hit the shelves sometime after the release of Never Go Ashtray, now scheduled for 2008.

By then, the hype over these so-called ‘digital music players’ should have calmed down and people will be ready to return to the good old days of fan loyalty. I mean, who wouldn’t be into wearing an iClint™ out to the theatre?

Please direct any inquiries either to myself or to Eyna, via her international web portal.

Also, please respect my copyright – I have slaved long and hard to produce this iClint™ prototype, which is naturally in full working order.

iClint™.