During a recent gruelling brainstorming session for the track listing on my debut album, I hit upon an incredible invention: the iClintô, a personal music system for the discerning music fan (click on the link above for a larger image). Composed of a cassette player that doubles as a mask to wear either to masquerade balls or to the opening night of any of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musicals, the iClintô comes fully equipped with an authentic CBD wig, a microphone for extra interaction, a necklace, a pair of headphones courtesy of British Airways, a power source that doubles as a drink dispenser, two complimentary wristbands and an optional fake Pat Cash chequerboard headband as well.

I am currently negotiating the wordwide rights for this machine, which will only play my albums. I expect however that units should begin to hit the shelves sometime after the release of “Never Go Ashtray”, now scheduled for 2008. By then, the hype over these so-called ‘digital music players’ should have calmed down and people will be ready to return to the good old days of fan loyalty. I mean, who wouldn’t be into wearing an iClintô out to the theatre? Please direct any enquiries either to myself or to Enya, via her international web portal. Also, please respect my copyright – I have slaved long and hard to produce this prototype, which is naturally in full working order.

About the author


Oh man, you are reaaaaaaally onto something here. I-Clint will change everything. This will put Jobs out of one. Put me done for say, ummm… 20,000 units. Just to test the waters. We don’t want to go nuts straight away. Why don’t we springboard from the Australasian market first? I hear Numan and Oldfield are keen to endorse, but I know you and Numan don’t really get along very well, not since that ‘stolen peroxide’ incident.

O hai. Would you like to add a comment?