Scaramouche found alive and well in a cave in the Goulburn Valley

In a possible sign that megalomaniac musical artiste Davey Dreamnation is set to rise from his post-DNRC slumber, news agencies are today reporting that the chanteuse’s long-time collaborator and manager, the incorrigible Scaramouche, has been found alive and well in a cave in the Goulburn Valley, despite rumours that he had suffered a fatal quiche lorraine overdose somewhere.

Back in 2030, the llama’s ‘swansong’ album (also entitled Quiche Lorraine) failed to chart, even in Majorca, where fans of Scaramouche number in the high tens.

Despite this apparent lack of interest in said llama’s soaring and angelic melodies (witness “Scaramouche’s Theme”, a pant-ripping, adrenaline-soaked anthem if ever you’ve heard one), international web-portal I Ate a Bee reported late last night (Majorca time) that Scaramouche is indeed ‘back on the radar’, and has now discovered a new way to communicate with the world, having been previously restricted to Esperanto.

The llama’s first message, delivered to journalists gathered at the Camp Davey compound, though slightly shocking, signals that he has now gotten over his life-threatening quiche lorraine addiction, and has reverted to one of his previous predilections:

Gimme a fucking neenish tart

While unavailable for comment, Davey Dreamnation is reported to be preparing an official statement, after watching Scaramouche’s rescue on closed-circuit television from within the comfortable environs of his Camp Davey bunker.

Stop that press – RPL finally released!!!

In a victory for animal rights lovers everywhere, Davey Dreamnation has taken out an injunction against his former llama and interpreter Scaramouche, in a move to block the release of “Scaramouche’s Theme” as part of his triumphant return to form, the trail-blazing Recognition of Prior Learning. Tribesco sources have confirmed that the “barnstorming” album is now available, after weeks, nay, years of inactivity on [d/dn]’s once flourishing international web portal. With listener interest increasing exponentially over the past few days, all is set for an exhilirating countdown to the next batch of mp3.com.au download statistics, due Wednesday (Tribesco time). Davey Dreamnation remains quietly confident that his position (currently #8) will rise even more dramatically, now that the album itself has been fully released. “You have to understand that this record was born out of extreme frustration, and there are a great deal of political references in the lyrics of the songs. Which makes it a shame that Davey hasn’t released the lyrics online, as the words in many of these songs are unintelligible. Take “Dim Stars 2″, for example. I have no idea what that’s about at all,” admitted a sad and disconsolate Stung, upon learning that Davey’s new album has risen further on the charts in the last ten seconds than Nothing Like the Stung did in the past two years. “That being said, and despite the woeful recording techniques employed on this release, I salute my good friend and collaborator. He’s finally booted that freaking llama out of the band, which should make it easier for me to score some co-writing credits.” Scaramouche himself confirmed the split, whilst smoking a cigarette outside his tailor made cage, which has now been cleaned out of straw, carrots and quiche lorraine. “It’s very sad but unfortunately, there was no room left on the album for my delightful and melodious theme song. By extension, that means there’s no room left for me here in Tribesco any more either. I am deeply distressed by what has happened in the last 24 minutes. All I can say is, if they’re doing animal research, they should at least make the effort to ask me to sign a consent form. I can speak, after all, and only just recently Stung made me a pen holder which I have attached to my front left hoof, enabling me to sign documents and write down my lyrics and poetry. I guess I’ll have to give it back now. That freaking Sting strap-on says it’s his intellectual property. Sniff. Well, I guess he’s right. Good bye everyone, and thanks for all the ham rolls. No, I couldn’t possibly eat pressed chicken meat, not today.”

Scaramouche denies name change rumours

Upping the ante with his characteristic wit and subversive humour, pop star and promising songwriter Scaramouche today denied rumours that he is changing his name to Sea Biscuit. As previously reported on Tribesco, rumours were swirling around the D/DN compound this week suggesting that Scaramouche was tiring of his own name and personality. “Let me just say that that is completely untrue,” spat the llama at journalists gathered outside the compound gates in the hopes of getting some form of comment on the debacle, “I love my name, myself and everything related to me. I may not be a gifted flautist, but I’m quite shocked that Stung has taken this opportunity to bad mouth me in such a public way. In any case, if I was going to change my name, it wouldn’t be to “Chris”, “Sea Biscuit” or any other ludicrous name. I would only ever change it to Clint. But I’m not going to do that. Period. You can call me Scaramouche, Mouchie or Scar, but nothing else. End of story.” When asked about progress on his so-called “debut” album, the llama was quick to scurry back inside his tailor-made cage. Not even the offer of a lamington could coax the reclusive animal out of hiding.

Scaramouche in shock name change rumour

It seems that some things change, while others remain different. Rumours have begun to surface from Davey Dreamnation’s hi-tech Tribesco compound that his long-time companion, Esperanto translator and spokesllama, Scaramouche, is planning to change his name – to Sea Biscuit. “Well, you know what my position is on all of this,” seethed a suitably appalled Stung at a pre-arranged press conference this morning (Tribesco time), “I’m seething.” Angered that his press conference (where he was planning to promote his second album entitled Nothing Like the Stung) had been taken over by “idle gossip”, Stung then launched an attack on the animal for whom just last week he wrote two instrumentals. “I think that dumb animal has got it into his head that if he calls himself Sea Biscuit then he’ll get to be ridden by Toby Maguire. I suspect it’s the llama’s roundabout way of saying that he doesn’t appreciate me riding him around all day, which is fair enough. But frankly, who’d want to be taken for a ride by an actor like that? Yes I am seething, you can quote me on that. I’ll be meeting with Davey this afternoon to sort this bull carpet out once and for all. Either the llama goes, or I go.” Interested fans are invited to submit an alternative name for Scaramouche’s benefit below, in order to avoid such a calamity becoming reality.

Why are people mean to me?

I know that there’s a lot of trouble in this world, and a lot of people are under a great deal of stress, but sometimes I wonder why everyone has to be so tetchy with me all the time, especially during the festive season, which I love. I was receiving a tutorial in flute-playing from my good friend Stung last night, when all of a sudden he stormed out of the music room, shouting “You freaking llama, how am I supposed to teach you how to play the flute when I have to hold the damn thing and press the freaking buttons for you, while at the same time trying to get you to breathe out! I’ve had enough!” Now, certainly, Stung has a point, and my disability does weigh on my mind constantly. I mean, of course it’s hard for me to play the flute – I only have hooves to work with! For my mind, he could have said it a bit more nicely, that’s all. Is it too much to ask for people not to be mean to me? I wish you all a merry Christmas anyway: Stung, Pixel Mouse, Brad, Quito, Penny and, of course, my master and personal inspiration, Davey Dreamnation. Now, where did that Christmas hamper get to?