Davey, I don’t feel well this morning. I know you said not to over-indulge in Christmas ham but how could I help it? The ham-bone was glazed with some delightful honey and cinnamon, which I licked off to my heart’s content. Then what could I do but eat the whole ham, bone and all? I felt sick immediately afterwards but managed to keep it down for a few hours, before I forced myself to eat some grass (how horrid!). I know I have been a bad llama, but now I fear I may have been poisoned, or something. Please tell me I am going to be okay. I can barely bleat. It is lucky for me that my Internet terminal has wheels on it, because otherwise I do not think I would be able to manage the short walk from my compound to the Internet cafe. I have been receiving some strange comments on my blog too, suggesting that various people want me dead. While it is very encouraging to receive comments from some old friends (Chris de Burgh, Julian Lennon, David Lynch – but where’s Peter Styvesant?) I must admit I find it a little unsettling. To top itoff, I decided to do a web search for carnivorous llamas and it seems that there are others like me, out there somewhere. I feel very homesick for my species right now. Dear Davey, please tell me that I am going to be all right, and that this pink and green bile foaming at my nostrils is just a normal part of growing up. Master, where are you?