Seething since 2000*
Davey Dreamnation has taken a break from his hectic world tour to hold an impromptu press conference in Buffalo, New York, after hearing news of his breakthrough to the coveted #1 position on the mp3.com.au charts in both the lo-fi artist and album categories.
Sources close to the travelling sideshow artist confirmed this morning (NY state time) that Dreamnation has finally cracked the big game, all in accordance with his master plan, which still lacks a code-name.
“Sweet sister of hope!” cried his latest translator and interpreter, Chasey Cambers, “this is freaking A! All this time, I’ve been asking Davey if I’m really pretty enough to be his spokesperson, and now this. I feel so selfish. My record, now that I think about it, truly sucks in comparison to Islands In the Stream of Consciousness. What an idiot I am.”
Dreamnation and his entourage (including the recently resurrected Scaramouche, an embalmed Quito, a holographic Pixel Mouse and a cardboard cutout of the artist formerly known as Stung) have been greeted by something akin to pandemonium on each leg of his debut US tour, with local official forced to waive strict customs and immigration requirements just to get the superstar out of the airport and into the waiting D-Team buses.
“That’s right,” breathed Cambers at the press conference earlier this afternoon in Main Street Buffalo (in the city’s teeming theatre district), “it’s absolutely unbelievable. I mean, we weren’t even scheduled to play in Los Angeles but the sheer number of fans forced Davey to postpone his flight to New York and perform an electrifying acoustic session in the flight departure lounge. The locals were speechless. So was I.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen an audience lacking even the ability to clap after a performance.”
Meanwhile, despite the lack of press, Dreamnation’s “Straight Outta Dubbo” world tour juggernaut continues to steamroll right through the listening public’s conception of what constitutes ‘music’. Performing songs from his #1 ranked album and the slow burning Departures EP, Davey grows in confidence with each concert, even allowing rumours of a Rattle and Hum style documentary movie to pass through to the keeper without denial.
Sell-out shows in Times Square and the Staten Island Ferry Terminal in New York City earlier this week caused mini-riots amongst fans eager to catch a plectrum, a sidelong glance, anything the artist deemed to throw at them. In upstate New York, meanwhile, the atmosphere has been slightly less frenetic, with only 365,000 fans flocking to the downtown Buffalo Auditorium to hear Davey play.
Ticket sales on the remaining New York, London and German legs of the tour augur well for Davey’s plans to buy a miniature electric guitar with the proceeds of the tour. In an announcement sure to ignite political and cultural tensions in the far east, Davey has also added one Singapore date to his hectic schedule, forcing organisers of the Rumba festival to re-schedule one Melbourne concert and cancel a planned appearance with members of Bon Jovi and N’Sync.
“Davey wishes to apologise to all his beloved fans for being unable to communicate with them these past two weeks. He asks that aggrieved fans remember it is virtually impossible for him to step outside the D-Team lead bus, and due to numerous pash-threats, he has been banned from visiting Internet cafes until this time. In fact, I’m the only one who’s allowed anywhere near a computer on this tour,” admitted an obviously flustered but rosy-cheeked Scaramouche, before disappearing inside the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts.