Pachinko(o): “That Way”

DNRC031 | LP| 2003 | DELETED

Anyone who’s taken a texta into a public toilet cubicle and written the name of a fictitious band on the wall knows how suggestion, exclusion, elitism and superiority become powerful tools in the hands of the ignorant. Pachinko(o) was never a real band; this record does not exist; and yet, some critics, to this day, continue to maintain its status as a classic. The fact that its track listing was only ever written in texta on a telegraph pole outside the DNRC offices may lead some readers to the obvious conclusion that this band was composed of artists. And that conclusion would be right. Now, in the spirit of talking about things we don’t need to even begin to worry about, let us get down to what’s truly unimportant about this band and, in fact, about most music: the music itself. The sad truth is that the musical version of “That Way” cannot easily be located. Jump in a car, drive onto a freeway, roll down the window and listen up: that is the sound of Pachinko(o). Empty the contents of your bowels, then listen carefully for your own relieved silence: that, too, is the sound of Pachinko(o). Listen to the cockroach chewing on a piece of paper in the dark: that, I’m afraid, is not Pachinko(o) after all. And yet, of course it is Pachinko(o). In the spirit of all things Orientalist, this band was composed of four artists who, in homage to Robert Smith, set out to create a fictitious Japanese band, and then see where the results led them. Well, the results are nothing less than spellbinding. The mere act of waiting for the first track on this non-existant album to begin could be said to represent the moment before God began creating the (sadly-deleted) Universe. Interestingly, some listeners then reported that this moment did really last forever. Hardly surprising, but then, that was the whole point. Again, referencing the intellectuals, “That Way” is the definitive anti-war statement: brilliantly provocative, earnestly abominable and frankly the biggest load of dead air I’ve ever heard in my life.

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