Category: Davey Dreamnation (page 6 of 31)
Davey Dreamnation (not pictured) was conceived during the playing of a Genesis L.P. in April 2001. A legend in his own signature drawstring jarmies, a colossus of lo-fidelity, a harbinger of jitches and drum fills and ‘the Skylab of his generation’, Davey describes himself as an Australasian pirate who lives in the third person, and that’s good enough for us. Davey is apparently fluent in Esperanto and enjoys ice hockey and Joy Division. Read posts from the last five or ten years, then consider for a moment a world without Davey. Sad, isn’t it?
As I look back on my extraordinary career, I sometimes wonder if it’s all been in vain. I mean, I’m not one to blow my own trumpet but if I could, I’d certainly be blowing it every day. It seems, however, that no one else feels confident enough in themselves to ask if they could blow my trumpet instead. I used to love the time I spent alone with my trumpet, polishing it with Brasso, cleaning it lovingly in the bath like a newborn baby, oiling its pistons, emptying the build-up of saliva from its valves. Blowing my trumpet just after it has been cleaned remains one of life’s unique pleasures. I could blow all day. I used to play the theme tune from Dallas, then Rocky. Usually I tired of these tedious tunes pretty quickly but this was okay because it would give me a chance to move onto more exciting compositions, including a number I myself had come up with. Blowing notes through a big silver trumpet and then listening to the results using my finely-attuned ears remains one of life’s strange and eerie pleasures. It’s like I’m a bat. Or an elf. Do elves play trumpets, or do they just blow? I’d love an elf to blow my trumpet for me. I’d like to see an elf and a bat blowing trumpets all day long. I’d like to write a composition for two trumpets, played by two elves and three bats. The details escape me but the big concept remains one of life’s tremendous build-ups of pleasure, the satisfaction of which only comes when I blow long and hard. Better still, I’d like to see an elf blowing a bat’s flugel horn, lowingly and keen. Do cats blow? They certainly do. Just ask Andrew Lloyd Webber.
In the tradition of everything barnestorming and brill, [dnrc] has reached a massive milestone, just one day after the completion of the EvilWealth Games: namely, its fiftieth release. In just over a year of operation, [dnrc], the record label set up and made famous by the hard-working, committed and just-a-little-bit-deluded maestro of the signature jarmy, Davey Dreamnation, has earnt a reputation for backing artists who have never been heard of, and then deleting their entire ouevre, to the chagrin of fans and the delight of rarity-obsessed collectors. Hence, releases by The Guide Ponies, The Cruns, Mead and (most recently) Super Grope, which could have garnered a massive listening audience, have instead been consigned to the dustbin marked “sad” and, on the other side, “deleted”. You may never hear these records out loud. However, you can be certain that the massive archiving effort that is the [dnrc] website will one day rival the one currently being set up by Snoogle and the Camp Davey Public Library. Impossibly seething, certainly deluded and caustically non-Romantic, Davey Dreamnation told reporters today that, had it not been for the so-called death of his close friend Stung (a fine Sting impersonator from New Zealand), and the emotional support provided by his muse, Scaramouche the llama, [dnrc] might never have even got off the ground. “That’s right,” the gifted flautist was quoted as saying, “just turn right at Swanston Street, cross the bridge and you’ll see the freaking fish on your left. Have a nice freaking day. Turkeys.”
The fingerprints of Clint Bo Dean are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
There are more than two hundred different kinds of Clint Bo Dean.
Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas have 14, and Clint Bo Dean has 7.
While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Clint Bo Dean.
In 1982 Time Magazine named Clint Bo Dean its ‘Man of the Year’.
Until the 1960s, Clint Bo Dean was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Clint Bo Dean.
If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Clint Bo Dean!
Clint Bo Dean has four noses.
The condom – originally made from Clint Bo Dean – was invented in the early 1500s.
Seeing as I’ve been tagged by that talented flautist Richard Watts, I’d better get myself away from the synthesiser for a few moments and try to come up with something meaningful to share with my legionnaires of fans.
1) I was totally deaf for a year when I was four years old. I have spent the rest of my life terrified of going deaf again, because it would mean that I could no longer listen to music. Oh, and conversations and stuff.
2) One of the only sounds I could hear during that time was my own pulse and heartbeat. Since then I have always wanted to be a drummer but only if I am allowed to drum in heart time (not quite the same as hammer time but close).
3) I once kissed a girl who had braces and it was one of the most erotic experiences of my adolescence. I then decided I needed to get out more.
4) During my final year at school I listened to Enya’s magnificently barmy debut album Watermark non-stop. It was one of the few things that got me through that painful time. I was misunderstood, clearly, and continue to be.
5) I also taped myself reading Emily Dickinson and William Blake, and then went to sleep each night with my Walkman (pre iClint) turned up full bore. I gunned English.
6) Penguins are my favourite animals because they look after each other, and stand in a huge circle in the cold, taking turns being on the outside. Plus, the males sit on the egg while the mum goes out looking for food. Apparently. They are so cute that I think my second album will be a penguin opera.
7) My first album is going to be called Never Go Ashtray.
8) I like to wear womens’ clothing and have a penchant for make-up because my younger sisters often used me as a model for their experiments.
9) I find long lists hard to write because sometimes the strain on my writsts makes it hard to go back to the synthesiser, which is where I prefer to compose my music, most of the time.
10) Sometimes I wish I had an older brother and often seek the company of older males for this reason.
11) Most of all I wish I was able to rollerskate.
12) I can’t stand the sound of someone else chewing food. Bubblegum seems to be okay though.
13) I enjoy mead.
14) I like girls who have the librarian look. I can’t really explain it but it floors me every time. I do spend a lot of time in libraries. Perhaps too much time (see 3, above).
15) Some people think I’m crazy. I object.
16) I love how cats like to walk on top of doonas, even when there is someone under the doona, taking tiny steps that they think the person won’t notice. I also love Cats.
17) If I ever became a father, how could I continue to live as an adult in the outside world?
18) I hate Chucky.
19) Michael J Fox.
20) Only half of the above is actually true.