Seething since 2000*
The wonders of new technology never ceasing to amaze, Davey Dreamnation has released evidence for the first time that he is not that famous.
“That’s right,” confirmed his spokesperson Scaramouche, “the people running Davey’s artist page at mp3.com.au tell us that Davey’s songs have been downloaded a total of nineteen (19) times in the past two weeks, with loveless the clear winner, having been downloaded (or streamed) a whopping seventeen(17) times. When you think about it, that’s more downloads than Davey’s ever made in his entire life. Who knows where he’ll end up, what with dim stars already up there and ready to be downloaded.”
Despite the bouyant mood at Camp Davey, the fact remains that when one examines the artist charts by genre, Davey’s overall ranking is nothing short of abysmal. Out of an undefined (but surely infinite) number of artists hosted at mp3.com.au, Davey is ranked1922nd. Of only slight consolation is the fact that in the alternative charts, he is ranked a mere 508th.
“Davey urges all fans of his music to visit his artist page at mp3.com.au, download every song twice and write reviews on each, under different pen-names. It’s the only way he’ll truly get famous. As he’s not getting paid for any of this, it couldn’t possibly be argued that this call for support is self-serving. In fact, Davey’s doing all of this for me. I haven’t been fed in two days,” lied the obviously bloated llama today.