Seething since 2000*
In what has been described by at least two people as a strange act of commercial suicide, rock and roll chameleon Davey Dreamnation has deleted his first single ‘Hot Soup Girl’ from the charts, along with its bizarre b-side ‘Davium’.
Speaking in response to the inevitable howls of protest, both from diehard Davey Dreamnation fans and discerning music lovers around the world (including one former president and several roving intergalactic ambassadors), Dreamnation’s Desperanto interpreter was believed to have said:
“Davey has received information from the international scientific community that the element he named Davium (Dv) does not actually exist, and that any songs or public communications making reference to this new ‘element’ should be scrubbed from the records.”
When asked what this meant for Davey Dreamnation’s academic integrity, she said:
“Davey acknowledges the truth of what the international scientific community is saying. In fact, he claims it only goes to prove his point, that Davium is so rare that it may never even have existed.
“Davey sees no harm in writing a simple and whimsical folk ballad about his discoveries. He hopes that the unity shown by the international scientific community in roundly ridiculing him—subjecting him along the way to slander of the most fiendish order, might I add—may also be put to the benefit of some more pressing problems. Including the unresolved matter of a second missing element so rare it cannot even be thought of.”
As for ‘Hot Soup Girl’, the song that made everything possible for the unlikely smash hit hero, Davey’s interpreter merely shrugged.
“I think some friend of his, some guy named E. Turkey, is doing a drum ‘n’ bass remix. You haven’t heard ‘Hot Soup Girl’ for the last time, not by a long shot. But you can expect a second announcement later on this morning.
I believe Mr Dreamnation is returning from Malibu for an interview on a pop-rock feed. You and I know that can only mean one thing: Davey Dreamnation is going to launch a new single.”
Pandemonium greeted the interpreter’s diplomatic leak, sending queues a mile deep in some shopping centres. Elsewhere, markets responded cautiously to the news, sending zirconia prices tumbling.
On Wall Street, investors were more interested in news of the artist’s hangover, after a run on his fledgling soft-rock start-up “Identify!” left his personal stocks at the whim of passers by and office cleaners everywhere.