Davey Dreamnation lashes out at critics

On a day characterised by freak weather accidents and unexplained shortages of light bulbs, Davey Dreamnation has lashed out at critics of his music, his audacious tour of the top end and – most paradoxically – himself, in an extraordinary series of outbursts at Melbourne’s Tullamarine airport.

Virtually no single pop star in the world escaped unscathed (or indeed, unslandered) in the unprecedented string of insults, jibes and insinuations, all of which were, following a now familiar pattern, relayed via an Esperanto interpreter and translator, who would not give her name to either journalists or airport security officials.

“My identity is a trivial detail compared with the claims Davey wishes to now make about such so-called lumnaries of the music industry as Sir Elton John, Sir Roxette, Sir Chris de Burgh, Sir Sting, Sir Bob Geldof, Sir the lead singer from Simple Minds, Sir Howard Jones, Sir Feargal Sharkey, Sir Nik Kershaw, Sir Simon le Bon, Sir Sting again, Sir Mick Hucknall, Sir Cliff Richard, the Earls of Bros., Sir James, The Sir Inspiral Carpets, Sir Bjork, Sir Tricky, Sir Goldie and Her Royal Highness Samantha Fox.”

The translator refused to reveal the extent to which these (and other) stars had been maliciously slanderd and smeared by Davey’s statements, claiming that the true meaning of the epithets in Esperanto are untranslatable.

“Suffice it to say,” added the interpreter, “if I was Sir Howard Jones, I’d be putting out a biography soon.”

Express yourself