Seething since 2000*
Welcome to the bizarro world of contemporary pop entertainer, Davey Dreamnation. After testing the limits of musical credibility for four months, the perhaps mentally troubled artist has released a new song. Unfortunately, it’s a b-side again. As yet, Dreamnation has made no indication that he will ever release the a-side, which was supposedly called “Last night betty”.
“Well it’s crap, isn’t it?” his spokeswoman shouted down the line from her Long Island condo. “I listened to the freaking thing myself. Well, “listened” might be pushing it. I endured five minutes of bullcarpet and then screamed at him: ‘You can forget about Eurovision if you go ahead and put that piece of agit-crap out. Your Launceston fans will desert you.’ That seemed to knock some sense into him.”
When asked by reporters to explain the genesis of the strange and lyrical b-side we’ve ended up with, “The sprawl”, the spokeswoman laughed.
“Actually, that’s one of my little numbers. Davey caught me tooling about on his antique Casio the other day. I was playing the melody you can hear in the song. I don’t mind him stealing it, though. I’ve got my eye on the prize, as they say.”
The spokeswoman’s forthright comments have fuelled speculation that something may be amiss in the creative relationship that has spawned two hit singles, three b-sides and a missing song.
Analysts in London reported the markets took a sharp nose-dive upon the spokeswoman’s outburst. In New York, meanwhile, tech stocks climbed after rumours that Davey Dreamnation is planning to release his own line of personal computers proved false.