Citing “masses of evidence” and “hours of 4-track tapes”, a man claiming to be the ex-manager of The Spirit Levels last night aired some extraordinary claims in relation to said band’s demise, the fallout from which will quite possibly render the earth uninhabitable for several years.
The man, who would only identify himself as O.N. Da Levelle, claimed that far from voluntarily leaving the band, outspoken artist Davey Dreamnation had in fact been kicked out, after an all night party involving serious amyl hangovers, three broken guitars strings and a series of missing plectrums forced band members Jo Bailey and Julia Ormond to change the locks on the band’s panel van, and destroy some old lyric sheets.
Branding Da Levelle’s claims as “pompous”, “fictional”, “naive” and “quite dumb, really”, Davey Dreamnation used the occasion of his debut single launch to blast the said ex-manager’s timing, even suggesting that Da Levelle had more sinister motives, including the promotion of a Spirit-Levels reincarnation, known as the Sprite Levels.
“Well,” Davey shrugged, through an interpreter, “it’s kind of flavour of the month, isn’t it? I mean, as soon as I leave, there’s always going to be some idiot who decides he wants to leave too, only he can’t because he hasn’t joined the band yet, so he has to go and join the band, and then leave it. Quite pointless, really. What gets me going is these turkeys think they’re onto something. They’re not. It’s a simple case of strapping on. Only, their velcro is getting a little furry, so instead of strapping on, they end up strapping off.”
All of which, in the lexicon of Davey D., amounts to some serious wankery.
“Yeah, good luck to him. I wish you the very best, Mr. O.N. Da Levelle. Wonder what that O.N. stands for? Outstanding Nihilist? Probably. Can’t wait for the press release,” Davey snapped (again, though his interpreter), before jetting off to Ibiza foir two weeks of film-clip making and catamaran training.