Who was it that said Nero fiddled while Rome burned? Well scrap that, Poindexter, coz The Police have decided to reform and are set to embark on a huge world tour, just in time for the 30th anniversary of Sting’s brain transplant. The tour is even set to include Australasia, and don’t write off the possibility of a new album just yet.

All of which has left our resident vocal coach and singer in his own right, Stung, suitably seething. In fact, he’s seething so hard at the moment that the protestors trying to ram the Japanese whaling ship/factory Nisshin Maru in the Antarctic have called off their attacks and are headed this way, presumably in order to make use of some of that seething fire power.

“If only the Sea Shepherd had rammed the Nisshin Maru during the filming of Matthew Barney’s Drawing Restraint 9 instead,” seethed the Kiwi pop iconoclast, whose bid to soundtrack the American artist’s epically unnecessary three hour film was obviously knocked back in favour of Bjork.

The announcement comes as a double blow for Stung, whose new album, Desert Boot Meets Nose, is due for release any year now. And after the success of Dream of the Blue Pipe Cleaners and Nothing Like the Stung, well, you get the idea: seething, seething, seething.

“Let’s hope Stung has enough willpower left in him to pick up the flute, turn on the Mac Davis and start playing “It’s Hard to be Humble”. Stranger things have happened,” commented an obviously bemused and slightly bloated Scaramouche.

“And who knows, this might just be the impetus for Stung to get back together with The Poultice,” added Maikiki, lead singer and spokesperson for The In Jokes.