Seething since 2000*
In news just to hand, sources within Tribesco have confirmed that Davey Dreamnation, improbable rock star and marathon runner, will compete in the Athens Olympics, just days after Ian Thorpe took a dive for “my good friend.” Australian Olympic officials are said to be in a flurry over the superstar’s inclusion in the team. Meanwhile, Davey is said to be more interested in the colour of the team uniform. “I’ve just received mine in the post, and I have to say, it’s pretty depressing. I thought fawn went out of fashion years ago.” Dreamnation will compete in the three minute pop song, five minute power ballad and the extremely demanding ten minute instrumental events at the games, with the possibility that he will become the first artist in recorded music history to win three gold medals. “I think Davey’s just got to concentrate, keeop his eye on the plectrum,” stated Scaramouche at an impromptu press conference in the Edinburgh Gardens, “I mean, Chris de Burgh will be there representing France, and with Howard Jones singing for England, it might come down to a three man race. Sure, HoJo’s not very strong in the instrumental event, but I defy you to name anyone who will come close to him in the three minute category. Chris has got the power ballad sewn up, so really Davey’s only likely to get one gold, at most.” News that Ireland has chosen Bob Geldof to compete against the reformed Genesis in the group instrumental event has sent shockwaves through the UK music establishment, with the artist formerly known as the short guy in Bros seeking to shut Geldof down. The Corrs are also said to be challenging the legitimacy of Geldof’s selection. Meanwhile, Dreamnation emerged from his Tribesco bunker to announce that he will be accelerating his training schedule in order to prepare more seriously for his triumvirate of appearances. “He’s starting off slow, rehearsing the Pixies’ “Theme from Narc”, before moving on to Elton John’s “Song For Guy”. Who knows what will happen after that,” sniffed the llama.